Thursday, April 9, 2009

BeerTech Racing Presents: “The B Team” at the 2009 24 Hours of LeMons at CMP Spring Event.

Well, here we go again. April 4th and 5th of 2009 brings us to the first of two 24 Hours of LeMons events this year. Since I’ve already written about the car, I’ll spare you the boredom of that part and get right to the team and the racing. I’ll let the pics do the talking.


“In 1972, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum-security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune.
If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire... The A-Team.”

Yeah! What he said….except, its not 1972 and we are a much cheaper knock off version of the A-Team with no discernable skills between the four of us. Hmm, I guess that makes us The B-Team! Let’s go with that.

This year we only had four teammates so this worked out nicely for our theme. JP was Face, Ian was Hannibal, Rob was Murdock and I was B.A. Barracus. We were also lucky enough to have Big Tom as our Crew Chief again. Thanks Tom.


Already covered and as you can see, my attempt at turning a BMW E-30 into The B-Team van was highly successful. In fact, many people asked us if that was the van from the TV show. Ok, no one actually asked us that but they should have.

Because BMW’s are perfect cars for an event like this, the LeMons races seem to see a lot of them. The judges and promoters now hate all things E-30. So much so, they have a stencil they spray onto all E-30’s now and asses bogus penalty laps on top of that just for having an E-30. Well, this year an E-30 won the race! Not ours mind you, but an E-30 nonetheless.


This year’s configuration was much like last year’s except this time there was no single car wide chicane in the middle of the front straight. We had an all out sprint race from the last corner to the first turn. We reached a mind-boggling 80 miles per hour or so. Hey, you don’t want these heaps of junk going too fast, they all should be in a junk-yard as it is.

Carolina Motorsports Park (CMP) in Kershaw SC. TRACK MAP<<<<<<


Ian and I got to the track early on Friday and unloaded everything hoping the rest of the team would show up in time for the tech inspection on the car as well as the infamous judging. Time was running out so Ian and I decided to tech the car and wait until the last possible minute to get judged. Besides, JP was bringing some liquor to bribe the judges with to keep our lap penalties down.

We went thru tech only to be told we needed to add two backing plates to our cage or we would not pass. Great. Let’s go find some steel and get to work. I was sick and tired of working on this car a month or so ago so I was a little unhappy with this news. We were lucky enough to find a truck garage a few miles down the road that had some free scrap steel and he even cut it up for us. Score! We got back to the track and Ian took the car back up to tech to get, well, tech-ed.

We got good and drunk waiting on the others all day but at 5:00 it was time for judging. Ian and I threw on our costumers and we headed to the judging with only one bottle of liquor to bribe the crooked judges. Our ride looked sweet, is an E-30 and has part of a motor swap. We knew we would be in for some laps for sure.

They looked over the car, gave us a bunch of crap and painted some stencils on the car. They demanded that we paid $500 for the head on the car and I got them down to $100. This put us over budget by $60 so we got 6 penalty laps. Sweet! we can make that up in no time! The Mr. T and Hannibal costumes definitely saved some serious laps. Until….

I’m pretty sure it was Evan, though he still denies it but someone told the judges we installed an M5 differential in the car. First of all, impossible, and B), what a D-bag! Ratting us out? Who ever it was deserves a good crushing. Anyway, the judges told us that was worth $800 and gave us another 80 laps. Oh yeah, this was Saturday morning by the way, an hour before the race started. We were the second most heavily penalized team behind Team Cockroach with 125 laps (another E-30).

Executive Summary of our Performance:

We finished 90th of 94 cars. Our car was very fast when it ran but crapped out early on us on Saturday with fuel delivery issues. The rest of the weekend was spent drinking beer and heckling other teams while being bitter and calling everyone else a bunch of cheaters…….which, they are by the way. J

We didn’t race for very long but there was some contact during Ian’s stint with the talent-less wonders who won this: JUDGES' CHOICE AWARD FOR EXCESSIVE WHINING: #50, Team Thunderturd II (1987 Ford Thunderbird Turbo Coupe, Bradenton FL) This car slammed into the back of our car completely destroying out exhaust. They also managed to cave in our right side door and rocker panel. Nice driving A holes.

Full Race results:


  • OVERALL WINNER: #90, Dorifto Dogs (1986 BMW 325e, Bahama NC)
  • INDEX OF EFFLUENCY: #21, Heavy Metal (1972 Ford LTD, Charlotte NC)
  • DANGEROUS BANNED TECHNOLOGY: #66, Our Lady of Perpetual Downforce (1988 Honda Civic, Atlanta GA)
  • WINNER, CLASS PW: #95, Lightning McQueen (1990 Volkswagen Jetta 16V, Richardson TX)
  • WINNER, CLASS NPW: #02, Ponticrap: We Are Driving Excrement (1986 Pontiac Fiero, Cincinnati OH)
  • ORGANIZER'S CHOICE: #44, Team Turbo Schnitzel (1987 Merkur XR4Ti, Atlanta GA)
  • I GOT SCREWED: #86, Greyman Motor Club (1989 Mazda 626, Charleston SC)
  • MOST HEROIC FIX: #55, Tunachuckers (1966 Volvo 122, Travelers Rest SC)
  • MOST LIKELY TO LAND IN A POND FULL OF POISONOUS SNAKES: #29, Scuderia Gonzo Alonzo (1987 Alfa Romeo Milano, Milton NC)
  • WINNER, PORSCHE CUP: #81, More Cowbell (1984 Porsche 944, Richmond VA)
  • BEST MOONSHINE OR APPLEJACK: #55, Tunachuckers (Triple-Row Radiator Distilled Apple Pie with Vitamin Pb)
  • LEAST HORRIBLE YANK TANK: #47, LeMons Vuitton (1998 Plymouth Neon, Fort Meyers FL)
  • GRASSROOTS MOTORSPORTS MOST FROM THE LEAST AWARD: #191, (1985 Saab 900 Turbo, Aliquippa PA)
  • JUDGES' CHOICE AWARD FOR EXCESSIVE WHINING: #50, Team Thunderturd II (1987 Ford Thunderbird Turbo Coupe, Bradenton FL)
  • PEOPLES CURSE: #32 Ford Mustang:


Thanks to JP’s camera that likes to turn its self off every 28 seconds, I have no video of my stint but I can assure you, it was spectacular. With 94 cars on a one-mile track, there was racing everywhere. The car ran great for a little over an hour until the rusty fuel was stirred up enough to clog our entire fuel system and choke our car to death. I think I made up around 40 laps of our 86 lap penalty in that hour. I was passing 8-10 cars per lap every lap and I was racing like I stole it. I was making it happen at every corner and being as aggressive as I could. Just like real racing, and if you don’t like it, go back to DE’s. Period. It was a blast. It’s so much easier to pass when you have a lot more power than everyone else. I’ve got to get a cheater motor in my Spec E30. Now I know what it’s like to drive Jim Robinson or Geegar’s car.

It was fun while it lasted! The motor starting choking and I brought it in hoping we were just getting low on fuel and we were beginning to starve. No dice. I came in, filled up and the same problem was still there. Coming out of the turns the car would fall flat on its face for a few seconds and then come back to life. The problem was getting worse so I brought it in.

We changed three fuel pumps, thanks for the help Jessie! This worked for a while. We got about 20 – 30 mins out of the car until it would happen again. We finally retired the car Saturday afternoon and called it a weekend. We will have to change the entire fuel system from the tank to the injectors. Good times ahead. This is what I got out of the fuel filter:

We did get a residual value for the car of $380 from Jay Lamm so we can spend another $120 getting it ready for the next event, which will be plenty. We will definitely be back in September to contend for the win. When this car runs, its fast.

I hope you enjoy the pics! Stay tuned for next time!

-Brian Jones, BeerTech Racing #380 / B.A. Barracus,The B-Team #25

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